Even the strongest relationship could suffer if it becomes a breeding ground for jealousy and insecurity. It is easy for doubts to creep in when one or both partners start to become unsure. When this happens, the couple need to take some time to analyze themselves, before they can truly move forward.
Let us take a look at a few causes of jealousy in a relationship;

1. Low self-esteem: When one of the partners have low self esteem, they would begin to feel inferior in the relationship, because they start to believe they are not worth loving.
They believe their partner deserves better and they are patiently waiting for their partner to realize this and leave them. This would then result in them accusing their partners of being disloyal since they are obsessed with the thought that it would happen sooner or later.

2. Loss of Trust: A person who has been cheated on by his/her partner would automatically expect this to happen again.
This expectation would lead them to become very distrusting and they begin to question every little thing their partner does. They lose faith in the partnership and it becomes hard to regain the trust.

3. Past Experiences: Someone who has bitter experiences in the past would find it difficult to trust the person they are with, no matter how much or how often this person tries to prove he/she is loyal. They keep waiting for their current partner to err the same way their previous ones did.

The one thing we need to know is that jealousy is something that cannot simply be overlooked. It leads to pain, bitterness and heartbreak. It is not only the jealous partner who is being hurt, the one who is being accused would also feel his/her integrity and loyalty is being called into question.
They would slowly begin to get resentful and some might even go ahead and do what their partners are accusing them of. Since two wrongs do not make a right, we can see how something like this could cause an instant demise of the relationship.
Here are few ways a couple can handle the green-eyed monster when it crops up in their relationship.

1. Find The Root: Are you the one insecured in your relationship? Then it is time to find out the root cause of your feelings. Have you been hurt before? Are you afraid of being jilted? The point is, when you can pinpoint what the cause is, then that is one step towards solving your problem.

2. Communicate: After figuring out the cause of your jealousy, then it is time you communicate this to your partner. If you are being accused of being disloyal, then it is also important that you express how this makes you feel. Do not assume the issue would go away on its own. It needs to be addressed and sorted again and again until you are sure you both know where you stand.

3. Forgive: If you have been hurt by your partner and you choose to stay in that relationship regardless, then do take the necessary steps to truly make sure you forgive him/her for past transgressions. Let go of all resentment and make sure to work towards bringing the trust back to the relationship

4. Seek Help: If things are getting more difficult to sort out, then it is time to seek help from a trusted party. It could be a trusted relative, clergy or a couples’ counselor. The point is, you both talk to someone who can be objective in his/her views and help you resolve your problems.

What you should NEVER do if you are dealing with jealousy in your relationship.

1. Snooping: Do not resort to snooping through your partner’s phone, computer, or start tracking him/her just to alleviate your jealousy issues. This would only make things worse as you would start to misinterpret and misunderstand several scenarios. This would only make you more insecure. As they say; “you always find what you determinedly look for.”

2. Throw Accusatory Words: It is not fair to accuse a partner of something when there is no proof. Do not let your emotional state get the best of you that you accuse your partner non-stop of being unfaithful or disloyal. The only thing this will cause is to leave you both unhappy and frustrated.

3. Holding Grudges: Silently holding a grudge against your partner would certainly not do anything for your relationship. If something is wrong, talk about it and make sure it is sorted. Your partner is no mind reader, but he/she would increasingly become unhappy if they start to notice the feelings of bitterness and hate that radiates from you.

Hopefully, with these little piece of advice, you can learn how to prevent jealousy from making its way into your relationship and work on getting rid of it if it does. TalkofNaija.com wishes you a happy and fruitful relationship.

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